Is he gay, or perverted? (No)

Ladylike Help 5

"How do I know if he is bi-sexual?"

Ask him! It is vital to understand there are different types of crossdressers or TVs (See Definitions). By far the majority are straight and find the thought of sex with a man unthinkable, but of course many feel as confused as you do, and a few are gay. One rule of thumb (but by no means conclusive) is to ask him does he want to look and behave like a soft, understanding normal woman, or a loud, tarty slag? If he wants to look like a prostitute, it is possible that he may want to behave like one. Equally it may well be only fantasy. Don't panic however, as it is also extremely likely that if he looks like a tart, it is just because he needs help dressing convincingly as a normal woman!

"What if he wants to actually change sex?"

If that is so, he is unlikely to be with you in the first place. In that rare case she is trans-sexual (TS), a a woman in the wrong body who needs to be reborn. A TS does not get any buzz from wearing women's clothes, will be taking hormone treatment, desperately wishes she could have babies, and genuinely wants periods! A TV usually would only fleetingly consider having the gender re-assignment op. For him being a woman is a favourite weekend hobby (for some men it's cars or ball games). If you know him, he will often talk about his clothes, high heels and makeup and how they make him feel. If he doesn't get a regular "fix" and some acceptance of this special role, he gets very frustrated. I am not making light of it, but it is a regular, very temporary gender switch.

A sex-change doesn't happen overnight, and there is no way a TV can be bothered with two years living full-time as a woman before the pain, considerable expense and risks of surgery, or the continuing rejection which may be met afterwards. Hormones such as Premarin (made from pregnant mare's urine!) are not prescribed or taken lightly even for a TS, due to side effects and increased risk of breast cancer and worse. The nearest a TV might come is fantasising about having real breasts; but he wouldn't actually do that, as the results would be too embarrassing when in male mode, and there is no need when such good false breasts are now available. Women young and old are increasingly fascinated by cosmetic surgery, but comparatively very few do it - and we wouldn't have to change our whole body, job, identity and life as a TS does. By the way, it is worth pointing out that there are more TSs than you think, but many live successfully as women so we would never know.

"Isn't it a perversion? I can't help feeling disgusted."

It's true some TVs may seem slightly mad. After all, their female side is often trying to escape long-term severe repression, making for difficult social relations. But a perversion is far, far worse, i.e. when physical pain or kinky sex with children or even animals is involved. (If he is into that, I'd be worried - but not about crossdressing, by far the lesser issue!) Who cares if a minority of ill-informed people are 'disgusted'? It harms no-one. Most women fear the worst and are relieved, once they find out his underwear doesn't belong to another woman, and he isn't the local axe-murderer. Take it step by step. Don't spend too long analysing it, just enjoy it.

"He reads crossdressing magazines full of pornography!"

Yes, there are some pornographic magazines that court popularity amongst homosexual men by including "chicks with dicks", or crossdressing sluts in O.T.T. positions with banner headlines like "Real Hardcore Filth"! But magazines actually aimed at straight crossdressers feature provocative poses, but little nudity and no sex. There is plenty of vanity, to be sure, and to get a balance the magazines may feature a "sensational" story as well as the serious items. The most-read items though will be make-up and style tips, and reassurance from real women.

"But they have ads from creeps, and dirty phone lines!"

So do the newspapers. Adverts are usually from gay or "bi" men looking for a partner, which gives the totally misleading impression that the majority of crossdressers are all like that. A TV will rarely advertise for a woman in there, because he will either already have a woman partner, or else he knows very few women will be amongst the readership. Magazines however need the revenue from such ads and phone chatlines, which the publishers imagine will be more readily accepted than in mainstream publications.

**Please** donate £5 by credit or debit card, to help Chloe's unpaid voluntary counselling work with crossdressers and their partners (secure transaction):