Womens' Writes (Sandra's Letters)

Ladylike Help 10d

Here's another typical letter of thousands I have.

From: Sandra
To: Chloe Springfield
Sent: Wednesday, February 23, 2005 8:15 PM

I have been dating my boyfriend for about 10 months and 2 months into our relationship I found out he was a cross dresser. I like to think of myself as an open-minded, liberal person however my reaction wasn't very supportive. I didn't say it was awful but I also didn't say that it was no problem. I immediately, and selfishly, thought about how it was going to affect me. Anyway, he told me about how hurt he was that another friend he recently told completely ignored him. Then I made sure he knew> I thought it was ok and that I was accepting of him. It took me a while to get my head around the idea, even if I am "open minded".

There are both good and bad aspects to his cross dressing. I really enjoy shopping with him (except when he winces at some things I pick out). But for the most part it makes me feel involved and like I have a girlfriend. What hasn't been so great is our sex life. He has been unemployed for the past 4 months and spends a lot of time dressing up and, sorry to be crude, masturbating. When I come home and want sex he doesn't. I end up masturbating as well. He told me last weekend as he was drunk that having sex with a woman is never as good as having sex by himself and also that he fantasizes about having orgies with men. He also suggested that I go out and experience sex with women. ( To complicate matters I have bisexual tendencies which I haven't ever acted on). All of these truths hurt me. I felt like I could never be his ideal lover. And that I will always be second to himself, his fantasizes about men, and possible actual men- and funny enough, more attractive women than myself. Also, by offering lesbian sex as a means of compensating for his private sex life he seemed to say, that he wanted both of us to have fantastic sex lives, just not together. I am jealous of his porn, and of the thousands of pictures of hot babes he has on the computer. I know he enjoys me as a lover but because I don't feel as attractive to him as his fantasizes or crossdressing, I find myself not wanting to have sex with him. When I do have sex with him I feel weak and resent it. I don't want him to know my need for his physical love. It shows my vulneralbility. So I don't want to tell him I am upset. We are still early in the relationship. Do you think I should get out before this gets even more complicated?

...and another message after brief counselling, which may help you!

From: Sandra
To: Chloe Springfield
Sent: Tuesday, March 08, 2005 9:27 PM
Subject: Re: Your update

Chloe, I want to thank you for your email and give you a short update.

I told Rob that since I wasn't and didn't feel "invited" into his cross dressing world that I wasn't sure where I stood with him. I didn't know if he was interested in me sexually or not. It sure didn't feel like it last year when he didn't make the time to be with me and instead chose to cross dress and have sex privately almost 90% of the time. And since sex is important to share in a love relationship I didn't know if I was that important or valued.

Opening communication was the best thing I could have done.

Rob has decided not to be so exclusive with his sexuality and more importantly with his femininty. One night he let me give him a makeover and this gave him the confidence to share even more. Because I condoned and even initiated cross dressing, Rob feels comfortable letting me into this part of his life. We are both enjoying our sex lives a lot better.

Of course he still has his online porn collection, and private fantasies, but who doesn't? Rob certainly wouldn't expect to limit my fantasises to include only him. The important thing is that he has, and this sounds very backward considering he is the cross dresser, accepted me as his lover and is now willing to share himself, cross dressed and all. In turn, I know that I do indeed turn my boyfriend on and even better, I am having the best and kinkest sex in my life.

Thanks for listening and helping me out!

Susie